Pappy Hite

It's been a long time since I wrote on your blogs.  But today my heart was calling me to write.

Over a year ago, Pappy Hite went to Heaven.  It was a tough few months leading up to his passing.  In fact he fought hard for a years before that.

He left the Earth in a peaceful sleep very early the morning of October 8th, 2017.  I didn't realize how much my world would change that day.  For about a month leading up to that I prayed for God to help him - whatever God's plan was and I prayed that God would prepare us.  I listened to the song Even If by Mercy Me (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6fA35Ved-Y) trying to prepare myself.  At the very end, I even say next to Pappy and listened to him pray that God would take him soon.  But there is nothing the prepares ones heart to lose someone so special to them.

I now listen to Dad's Old Number by Cole Swindell - those two digits were always my lifeline - that man COULD fix anything.  :)

We hurt some much because we loved so much and I would never trade that for the world.

I remember sitting down with you, Cade, to talk about it a few months ahead of time.  I wanted to prepare you because I was so afraid of the hurt and watching my babies hurt.  You looked at me said "YOU don't know, only God knows, mom!!"  You were right, buddy.  Even though we both knew deep in our hearts what was going on, we didn't know for sure - it was all in God's hands.  As the days closed in and I told you that I needed to go up and be with Grandma and Pap I remember you finally breaking down.  You started to cry.  You were mad.  You said "But he has SO much to teach and I haven't learned it all yet".  WOW!!!  I'll never ever ever forget those words because it blessed me so much to know that you saw my earthly hero that way as well.

Oh and Addy - you will forever carry a piece of him with you - Addison Jaye Miller.   I remember when we decided on your name and how I couldn't wait to tell him!  And then my heart almost burst when I saw him first hold you and look down at you.  Those are the arms that I always felt safest in and I knew you were safe there too.  He loved to call you, AJ, as you called him, HJ.  Pap and gram were at the hospital in Johns Hopkins when you had your surgery and you were there will us when Pap and I had the bone marrow transplant.

We did everything we could to keep him here.  He fought the good fight.  At the end of the day, God needed him home.

I was in PA with Gram and Pap Thursday and Friday before his passing.  I left on Saturday and came home to you guys knowing that was must likely my last goodbye.  Sunday morning around 2AM JoJo called to tell me that it was over.  He was finally seeing the face of God!!!  I got out of bed and sat in the rocker for hours alone just lost in my memories.  Finally I realized I needed to have a plan for the next few days.  Cade was scheduled that morning to be baptized, I couldn't miss that.  I thought about rescheduling it but decided to do it and then I would go to Bedford afterward to help with the service planning.  I had no idea at that moment the really meaning behind this day for me.  Ryan Miller baptized you that day and that words were EXACTLY what I needed.  He said that TODAY on the day that your grandfather is in Heaven with God himself, YOU are making it public that you will also be there someday, whenever God's plan calls.  WOW - I couldn't have asked for a better gift that day.

To both of you - remember these things from Pap:

• Hard work is always worth it.  If you want something, don't ever just expect that it will happen and don't ever give up easy - work for it!  He was the hardest working man I've ever known
• Sometimes.... just be quiet.  Pap wasn't a big talker.  Often he was pretty quiet but when he talked we all listened and some times being there in the quiet next to him was so incredibly peaceful.
• God is good all the time, all the time God is good.  God isn't just good when things are going our way, he is there for us in the hardest times and most of the time it's not until the moment passes that we can really see the good in it.  Just have faith that God will show us eventually and that His plan is the best plan.
• When you laugh - don't be afraid to let out a deep belly laugh.
• Hugs are important - bear hug those that you love.  Make your hugs and handshakes count.

Dancing Career

Seven years ago our little girl took the stage for the first time as Snow White

She was not nervous in fact it energized her to be on the stage. She smiled and loved every minute of it. 

In a few days we will be watching her dance in what might be her last recital. She still loves the stage and gets so excited to perform. 

I feel like Addy learned a lot through dance. She learned some discipline. She learned music and beats. She learned steps and styles of dance. She gained confidence. She learned that you aren't always given the front row, center stage spot - that doesn't mean you are bad or other girls are 'lucky' - it means we all have strengths and girls are needed in all spots. 

Most importantly she made friends. Gabi was one of her first dance friends. We have been blessed by our friendship with the Torlones for years and I'm confident that though we'll continue to go in different directions - we'll always be friends. 

Tari Jo and the other teachers will always hold a special spot in our hearts. 

Keep the music alive inside you Addy no matter where your heart leads you!!  You make people smile - you light up a room. People want to be your friend - use that wisely - think about others. Don't ever think you are better than someone else - we are all different - that's what makes this crazy world so cool and colorful. 

We'll spend this weekend together making memories. It's late nights. It's stressful moments. It's busy times but we will enjoy it and embrace it and remember it fondly. 

Friends for life!!

Addy's signature photo pose

Addy and Bella Sergent

Pap's Transplant

So a year ago in May of 2015 Pap Hite was diagnosed with Lymphoma. He did a summer and fall of chemo and thought in November he had reached remission. 

Remission didn't last long and within weeks the tumors were back and worse than ever so we needed a new plan of action. In January we went to Johns Hopkins to see what they could do for us. 

At JH we met with Dr Jones who said Pap was a candidate for a bone marrow transplant that has a 95% cure rate. We were very happy with this news - before this we thought our best option was a few months of remission. 

And the process started. Lots of chemo to get Pap ready. Aunt Jodi, Aunt Jesse and I were tested for a match. We were equal matches and it was a tough decision but we decided that I would be the donor. Lots of blood tests and visits later and one month delay (cause the tumors weren't shrinking like they needed to) we were all set for transplant on May 24th. 

The process was easy. I had four entry points into my hips to collect bone marrow. Pap sat in his hospital room and the bone marrow went into his vein. Addy and Dad were there to support us. Cade had 'step up day' at the high school and it was important that he go to that. 

The morning of the transplant 

Pap getting prepped

Me before harvest

Pap stayed in the hospital for 3 weeks and then moved into a small apartment with grandma. He is there now. He is doing well. His numbers are rising!!

Thank you both for being awesome kids. I missed some things this spring that you wanted me to attend because I had to be with pap and gram. You understood and smiled through it all. 

Addy, me and pap during a hospital visit

Addy taking pap for one of his walks. 

This just got real

So your Pappy Hite has been battling Lymphoma for the past year now (after an 8 year remission).  He is the strongest man I know and has battled it while having VERY few restrictions.  He still came to football games, volleyball games, raised his cows, worked on rebuilding his cars, built a few buildings around the farmette, fixed up Grandma and Pappy Koontz's house for Aunt Jesse and family to move in among many other things.  But some things didn't go as planned.  Last year (2015) you were scheduled to go out west with Grandma and Pappy in June but due to treatments that needed to be postponed.  You two were awesome - you were disappointed but so encouraging to Pap and making sure he knew that you were not upset with him and that he needed to focus on getting better first!

In December of 2015 we thought things were better and the trip was being planned for this spring/summer.  He completed his treatment in November and was told he was in remission.  That didn't last long, by Christmas he had tumors growing on his neck.  We started looking at treatment options which led us to a visit to John Hopkins in Baltimore where we felt had the best doctors and research to make Pap better.  We met with Dr Jones (Director of Bone Marrow Transplant) who said that Pap was a candidate and that he only needed to find a partial match for a donor.  Aunt Jodi and I were there so we gave blood right away to begin the match process and Aunt Jesse was tested soon after.  We were happy to hear that we were all matches and good candidates.  After a little debate and some tough decisions (because we each wanted to be the donor) I was selected to be the donor.  It would be harder for Aunt Jodi and Aunt Jesse given the physical jobs that they have verses mine which can be done on a laptop from a bed if needed and ALSO they would be needed on the farm to help Pap with cows, house, mowing, garden, etc while I don't live as close to be as helpful.

When Pap was told about this he was NOT happy about the fact that he would need to spend TWO months in the city (not Pap's favorite place).  I told him that for most people when they need to dig deep and work hard it's get out and do physical labor.  For him, that's what he loves - his dig deep is to sit still and let his body work to kill the cancer and build himself back up.  It's not easy but it's worth it.  After we finished meeting with all the doctors and nurses Pap was real quiet.  I asked him what was bothering him the most about this - the pain, the city stay, the way his body was going to be VERY tired, what?  He said (with tears in his eyes) -'I'm going to let Cade and Addy down again because our trip is once again postponed'.  You two being the troopers that you are may have been disappointed but you didn't let that show to Pap, you simply encouraged him to work hard and get better.

So now we have dates - it's about to get real.  May 24th is transplant day.  We have lots of appointments leading up to that.  It's exciting, a little nerve racking and encouraging to know we are headed into what has a 95% cure rate for Pap.

Thanks for being awesome!  Thanks for supporting me and Pap!  He is our cheerleader always (even if he doesn't use pompoms) - let's be the biggest support team he can imagine so that he is back in the stands this fall with his cowbell watching his first grandson play freshman football and able head back to PSU to watch one of his favorite sports with his favorite volleyball player!!

Ok guys - let's do this - let's KICK CANCER!!

Pap with no hair - last time I saw him with no beard I was 3. 

Still out playing (they say working)

More YES!

I realize that quite often I'm on a mission in life and I've found myself telling you both 'not now - we don't have time' too often. So I'm really trying hard to just say 'yes' more often.  We have busy schedules so that you can do all the activities you love but I don't want this time to go by without memories for me to hold onto when you are grown. 

So I try hard to 'put you to bed' when I can - yes, there are nights when I'm too tired but I try even on those nights to spend some time talking to you. 

I love hearing how God is working in your lives. You tell me what's going on in school, with your friends, in your mind - that's priceless. I hope that you'll always share with me. I don't want to be too controlling of your every move yet I feel it's my job to guide you. 

So on a snow day when you guys beg me to take off work and go snow tubing - I did and loved it. 

When we were tired and over slept for church - we took the time to go check out God's amazing creation with a family hike. Addy's 'poor little legs and ingrown toenails' made it very tough on her but we had a great day just outside, walking and talking together. And Addy and I held hands the whole way back! 😄

My hope is that we remember these little moments. It's easy to remember the big trips, the holidays, etc. I treasure these surprise moments together and I know your dad does too. 

So here is to family game nights...

And funny faces....

I love you both!!!

Saved!!!

Cade attended sleep away camp this summer for the first time. Some of my favorite childhood memories were at church camp. The friends that I met. The stories that I heard. And most importantly the Holy Spirit filling me to the brim!!!

Cade enjoyed the music. He made new friends and got to know old friends even better. He spent time really reflecting on his life and his choices. And in the end he realized that he has been saved - that Jesus loves inside him and that he wants to live his life for Christ!  That's the best thing a parent can ask for - ever!!  

The work continues. Keeping your faith when it seems impossible. Trusting God when you want something besides what he has planned for you. Encouraging others to walk with you. And loving people that are tough to love because only through God can we love like he loves. 

I'll be praying for your journey always my son!  Xoxo

Determination

This has been a theme over the past two months for both of you.

Cade started football practice in July after a rough season last year with the broken collarbone. He didn't go back scared or worried. He went back determined to play hard and win a starting position at center. He didn't start the season there but by the first official game - he had established himself the starting role. He has so far had a great two games of consistent snaps and even was awarded start of the game at the last game. Way to go Cade!!

Addy rejoined the Teal Tornados for the third year this year. After playing some club ball and Rec ball for several years she has conquered a consistent and hard overhand serve. There is always room for improvement and she has been satisfied but continues to perfect it. Last week she took a rough round at serve receive. She just couldn't get herself in the right position at the right time to make a clean pass to her teammates. After several bloopers I told her 'it's ok, take a deep breath'. She quickly fired back 'it's NOt ok'. She was right really and I couldn't have been prouder of her determination. She was fighting a nasty head cold and could have used that as an excuse but she dug deep. 

I know I talk a lot about sports but sports aren't the most important things in life.  Digging deep and not settling for less than what you know you are capable of is a life lesson that can be learned through sports.  There are always two roads - the easy road and the hard road. Some days we just decide to take the easy road but for the best long term results the hard road is the right answer. 

Another important lesson you can learn from team sports is that we aren't all made the same way. Some have more natural talent than others. Some are better at serving, hitting, tackling, throwing, etc. than others but it takes everyone working together to make a winning team. Except people for their strengths and weaknesses - this will help them to except you for your strengths and weaknesses. 

Love you both!!